I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
