We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
