Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
