I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Still dying that you shit outside
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
