Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
