Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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