wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
