I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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