glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This toilet bowl is my home.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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