I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
