ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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