I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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