I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
