just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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