I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
