Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
