we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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