all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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