it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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