Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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