Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize