Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
