i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize