Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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