I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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