Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
