He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
