You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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