I'm lost and stupid without you.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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