i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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