just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
