He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
