I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
