you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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