I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
