No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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