and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
