I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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