I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
40s are totally the cure
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
