I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
