This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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