Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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