my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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