there was a trapeze. enough said
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
And then he peed in my hair
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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