Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
