Screwed.edu
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
