I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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