on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
