is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
