Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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