i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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