Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
