Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize