he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
A bitchslap is in order.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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