I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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