Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
