Where did you get a picture of my penis
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
