either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
