maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
