When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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