i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
