So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
