I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
