im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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